In order for you to understand this blog post, I need to give you a bit of a background on the people involved.
Nicole is a young girl in her mid 20’s, single and attractive.
David is also young, about the same age.
Nicole and David met through a friend and they immediately hit it off, started talking every day, chatting on facebook chat, flirting etc. It took a while for David to ask Nicole for her number, because, apparently, he’s a shy guy. So when he finally did, she was all smiles. After this, they started talking on the phone, and chatting on facebook chat, and inboxing each other all day (don’t ask me what on earth they were talking about). Before long, they started meeting up, hanging out...and obviously, they slept together. Now all this while, they had not committed to each other, although David would once in a while drop a hint that he wants to be with her and nobody else.
At some point, David found a better job in another town and he had to relocate. But he promised to come back and visit Nicole every weekend. I remember Nicole actually wanted to get a job in the town that David moved to just so she could be close to him. All was going so well with them.
One Friday, David just randomly showed up at Nicole’s office, he says he wanted to surprise her. She was obviously very happy and they agreed to meet up later and so on. I’m not sure if they met up that weekend or not but it’s not important.
Come Monday morning, Nicole is in her office chatting to her friends when she hears something rather interesting. It appears David has a long-term girlfriend, let’s call her...Karla. Nicole’s friend fills her in on the details that David and Karla have been together for years, on and off. Karla has a heart problem and people think she uses that to keep David by her side.
Obviously this news disturbs Nicole. She tries to get hold of David, but he does not answer her calls. She sends him a facebook message asking him about Karla and he doesn’t reply. After about 2 weeks, David shows up. He calls Nicole and starts apologising, saying he really does care about her but it’s a difficult situation etc. Nicole gives him a piece of her mind and they end up arguing.
For a while, Nicole and David are not on speaking terms. Then slowly but surely, David starts worming his way back into Nicole’s life. She softens and starts chatting with him again, just as friends. But soon enough, David starts flirting with Nicole again; you know...the sweet texts, the early morning phone calls just to say hey, the late night texts and so on. Nicole accepts him back, not sure what he wants, but willing to find out because she still likes him.
One weekend, David is back in Nicole’s town and they run into each other at a bar. They start talking and obviously, end up making out in the back of her car. They agree to go their separate ways and meet up again later in the night and David’s place, which they do. This time, Nicole goes to David’s house and because his friends are home, he gets into her car and they drive off somewhere. Things get heated up again, but this time, to get the upper hand, Nicole decides to leave David hanging...with blue balls so to speak. He protests and all but at the end of the night, she feels like a winner.
Next day, David starts texting Nicole again, like he’s forgiven and forgotten the blue balls he slept with the night before.
Now... the dilemma Nicole is in: David is still dating Karla and shows no signs of leaving. He simple says, it’s a complicated situation. Nicole says he’s a genuinely good guy and she thinks he really cares about her. My advice to Nicole was to just tell him that until he sorts out his issues and is 100% singe, they should just be friends. She’s thinking about giving David an ultimatum: Her or Me...Because she thinks there is a chance he might actually leave Karla for her.
What should Nicole do?
REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS/FLINGS
The other day I had a light-bulb moment. You know those moments when you somehow see things clearly or find a solution to your deep-rooted problems. I’m gonna share this light-bulb thing with you; I hope you’ll understand it...
See, here’s the thing about rebound relationships: When you get out of a relationship, especially if you’ve been dumped, you feel...vulnerable, lonely...abandoned. Coz you know , for a while, you had someone there, someone to talk to, someone to call you and text you, someone to keep you company and so on then suddenly, that person is gone. So most people, I included, tend to get into some sort of rebound fling to fill the void. The way I see rebound flings is like this: You’re vulnerable so you’re pretty much looking for someone to lean on, in a way. Now, the person you choose to rebound with/ lean on is crucial because, get this, if he/she is not stable, you can’t lean on him/her because he/she will let you down.
You can’t rebound with someone that has more issues than a magazine.
You can’t rebound with someone that is emotionally unstable
You can’t rebound with someone that has unresolved issues with his ex
You can’t rebound with someone that is also on the rebound.
And oh goodness, you can’t rebound with someone that is exactly like your ex.
If the person you’re rebounding with has issues, is unstable, on the rebound and has issues with his ex, he/she will not fill the void; in fact, they will probably just make the void bigger. If this person is dealing with their own issues, they’re unstable, unreliable. It’s like leaning heavy on a pile of sand. All they have to do is move a metre, change their behaviour and you fall. You end up right back where you started: lonely, abandoned and vulnerable. Only this time, you’ve got a much bigger void to fill coz you’re not just dealing with a failed relationship; you’re now also dealing with a failed fling, and trust me, that is a heavier load to carry.
So as much as rebound flings are fun, be wise in choosing who you rebound with.
SUGAR DADDIES...OR SPONSORS
Almost every guy I know has at some point said if he was a girl, he’s have a sugar daddy. For those that don’t know, a sugar daddy is, by my definition, a significantly older man who is in a young lady’s life for the simple reason of financing her indulgences. In other words, he’s the dude that pays for everything you want but can’t afford. He’s like your daddy except..you have to give him some sugar..lol.. Deep down I’ve always admired girls that have sugar daddies. Coz most of the time, the man is not good looking (usually old, in his 50’s, beer belly, balding head, yellowish teeth) and I admire the fact that they can flirt or kiss this man without losing their appetite. (I bow down to you all) I, sadly, do not have the stomach for such erm..activities?
In the last few years sugar daddies have become so popular that nobody frowns on them anymore, in fact most girls are so proud to have sugar daddies, that they flaunt their “daddy given gifts” around town. Have girls become so materialistic that morals have no value anymore? What exactly has driven girls down this road? Some might say social standing is a factor, coz you know, no girl wants to be seen wearing the same dress to the same club twice, and we all want to dress like Beyonce when we’ve got an income which resembles that of...Sisqo (I hear he’s broke now). There’s also laziness, we all want to be married to rich men and just sit there looking pretty all day every day, not getting our nails dirty.
The way I see it, I would get a sugar daddy, if I didn’t have to flirt or kiss him. So he’d be more like..a sponsor. The perfect arrangement for me would me: I’d meet him once a week (not even for lunch coz I’d have nothing to say to a 50 year old man), I’d give him my shopping list, he’d give me the money and go away. Of course, I’m not an idiot so I know that unless I find a moron of a man, this arrangement will never happen. Unless one of ya’ll knows an old moron, hook a sista up quick..lol Until that happens, I’ll just hustle, live within my means and dress like the girl next door that I am...:)
In the last few years sugar daddies have become so popular that nobody frowns on them anymore, in fact most girls are so proud to have sugar daddies, that they flaunt their “daddy given gifts” around town. Have girls become so materialistic that morals have no value anymore? What exactly has driven girls down this road? Some might say social standing is a factor, coz you know, no girl wants to be seen wearing the same dress to the same club twice, and we all want to dress like Beyonce when we’ve got an income which resembles that of...Sisqo (I hear he’s broke now). There’s also laziness, we all want to be married to rich men and just sit there looking pretty all day every day, not getting our nails dirty.
The way I see it, I would get a sugar daddy, if I didn’t have to flirt or kiss him. So he’d be more like..a sponsor. The perfect arrangement for me would me: I’d meet him once a week (not even for lunch coz I’d have nothing to say to a 50 year old man), I’d give him my shopping list, he’d give me the money and go away. Of course, I’m not an idiot so I know that unless I find a moron of a man, this arrangement will never happen. Unless one of ya’ll knows an old moron, hook a sista up quick..lol Until that happens, I’ll just hustle, live within my means and dress like the girl next door that I am...:)
INDEPENDENCE Vs HOUSEWIFERY
I’ve been thinking a lot about the pros and cons of being an independent woman versus those of being a housewife. In this day and age, girls are encouraged to be independent, have their own money, and not depend on men to provide for them. At the same time, we’re supposed to somehow also be the perfect wives. You know, the typical African definition of the perfect wife: One that wakes up at 5am to clean the house, hand-washes all the clothes coz you know, buying a washing machine is just laziness. One that makes sure there’s food on the table at 7pm sharp coz her husband is hungry after a long days work.
I’m starting to think that all these expectations are just really unfair and hard to live up to. If a woman’s not depending on a man for money, it means she’s got a business or a job going on...and she’s got to work hard to make that successful and at the same time be super-mum and exceptional wife. Seeing as it’s hard to find this balance, most women tend to go one way or the other. If they decide to be independent, they usually have a maid that cooks, washes and cleans and at some point she risks an affair between this maid and her husband, coz the maid takes her place in the home.
If they decide to be housewives, they find themselves at the mercy of their husbands for everything. If they wanna get their hair done, they have to ask for money. Nothing is left in their control...except the house. Of course the pro’s of this option is that they are in full control of the house, they own their marriage and family. And somehow, their husbands depend on them for simple things like picking a shirt to wear..so I guess they have some control. Is it possible though to find that perfect balance? Where a woman has her own income, goes out and makes her dreams come true, and at the same time, still maintains the boss position at home?
I’m starting to think that all these expectations are just really unfair and hard to live up to. If a woman’s not depending on a man for money, it means she’s got a business or a job going on...and she’s got to work hard to make that successful and at the same time be super-mum and exceptional wife. Seeing as it’s hard to find this balance, most women tend to go one way or the other. If they decide to be independent, they usually have a maid that cooks, washes and cleans and at some point she risks an affair between this maid and her husband, coz the maid takes her place in the home.
If they decide to be housewives, they find themselves at the mercy of their husbands for everything. If they wanna get their hair done, they have to ask for money. Nothing is left in their control...except the house. Of course the pro’s of this option is that they are in full control of the house, they own their marriage and family. And somehow, their husbands depend on them for simple things like picking a shirt to wear..so I guess they have some control. Is it possible though to find that perfect balance? Where a woman has her own income, goes out and makes her dreams come true, and at the same time, still maintains the boss position at home?
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