I’ve been thinking a lot about the pros and cons of being an independent woman versus those of being a housewife. In this day and age, girls are encouraged to be independent, have their own money, and not depend on men to provide for them. At the same time, we’re supposed to somehow also be the perfect wives. You know, the typical African definition of the perfect wife: One that wakes up at 5am to clean the house, hand-washes all the clothes coz you know, buying a washing machine is just laziness. One that makes sure there’s food on the table at 7pm sharp coz her husband is hungry after a long days work.
I’m starting to think that all these expectations are just really unfair and hard to live up to. If a woman’s not depending on a man for money, it means she’s got a business or a job going on...and she’s got to work hard to make that successful and at the same time be super-mum and exceptional wife. Seeing as it’s hard to find this balance, most women tend to go one way or the other. If they decide to be independent, they usually have a maid that cooks, washes and cleans and at some point she risks an affair between this maid and her husband, coz the maid takes her place in the home.
If they decide to be housewives, they find themselves at the mercy of their husbands for everything. If they wanna get their hair done, they have to ask for money. Nothing is left in their control...except the house. Of course the pro’s of this option is that they are in full control of the house, they own their marriage and family. And somehow, their husbands depend on them for simple things like picking a shirt to wear..so I guess they have some control. Is it possible though to find that perfect balance? Where a woman has her own income, goes out and makes her dreams come true, and at the same time, still maintains the boss position at home?
Do you Believe?
Do ya'll believe in Palmistry?
I once had my palm read, by a Chinese friend in College. People said his readings were always accurate, so out of curiosity, I decided he should read my palm. I've never been able to forget what he said to me, even though I'm not sure I believe in it. This is what he said:
"You will have 3 sons, You have 2 husband lines so you'll have to be careful about marriage. If you get married early in life, you will leave that man and marry the one you are supposed to be with. If you wait until you're about 28 years old, you will end up with the one you're supposed to be with, without having to marry and leave the first one. Good things will always happen to you because your family are good people"
Yes, I said I have never been able to forget. Funny thing is, he's not the only one to tell me I have 2 husband lines, another Chinese guy just took a quick glance at my hand one random day and "ooh, 2 husbands" Now I'm not really a superstitious person, I walk under ladders, I'm not spooked by Friday the 13th and I don't get scared when a black cat crosses my path. But this just seemed a little too detailed for me so now I find myself constantly wondering..do these things ever come true?
The other day I put up a quote on my Facebook status " A man can meet his destiny on the road he took to avoid it". I just heard it in a movie and thought it sounded cool..lol But then I started thinking, if this palm reading is true, what if I take a road to avoid it, will it still happen? What if I meet a great guy and marry him this year, will I still leave him, as great as he is? Some people say such things only come true if you believe in them, but what if its actually a destiny thing? Can your destiny be changed simply because you don't believe in it?
Are We Going To Sell Out?
Unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard about the issue of homosexuality in Malawi. I can no longer maintain my silence, I must put in my 2 cents.
My sister called me last night, throwing a fit because she heard on BBC news that Malawi is about to legalize homosexuality because the British Government has threatened to isolate the country if the Govt. does not give in to their demands.
I certainly hope she was wrong; because the truth is, Malawians will generally never accept homosexuality, maybe in the next 50 years, when we have a new generation of youngsters in power. If the world wants us to legalize it and accept it, they're going about it the wrong way. Bullying the government won't change the opinions of the people.
Even if the President decides to sell out and accept the terms and conditions that come with this "donor money", he'll only be doing so just to help the economy of the country. What's going to happen is, we'll accept the money, spend it and the society will still shun those who come out of the gay closet.
I seriously think the British Govt and all these NGO's need to respect the laws, culture and traditions of Malawi. This is one of reasons we fought for independence and got it in 1964. We won the freedom to have our own laws and live the way we want to. Fair enough it is a human rights issue, but according to these "developed"countries, human rights also forbid parents to discipline their child using the "rod", and look how their kids turned out..tsk tsk tsk
If we ignored that human rights issue, rest assured, we're probably going to ignore this one too.
Until these people came out, Malawi (in my mind) was a pure and innocent country, with a culture so reserved and conservative that girls were not allowed to wear short skirts up until recently. Sure, there are gay people in the country, (some of them rich, married men, no names mentioned) but they have managed to stay in the closet for years, and I think if they want to come out, they should do so in a country that allows them to. If UK wants these people to be free to be gay, then they should be given free UK citizenship so they can be gay in the UK, not Malawi...:O
Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against gay people, I just want these people to respect Malawi as a country.
My sister called me last night, throwing a fit because she heard on BBC news that Malawi is about to legalize homosexuality because the British Government has threatened to isolate the country if the Govt. does not give in to their demands.
I certainly hope she was wrong; because the truth is, Malawians will generally never accept homosexuality, maybe in the next 50 years, when we have a new generation of youngsters in power. If the world wants us to legalize it and accept it, they're going about it the wrong way. Bullying the government won't change the opinions of the people.
Even if the President decides to sell out and accept the terms and conditions that come with this "donor money", he'll only be doing so just to help the economy of the country. What's going to happen is, we'll accept the money, spend it and the society will still shun those who come out of the gay closet.
I seriously think the British Govt and all these NGO's need to respect the laws, culture and traditions of Malawi. This is one of reasons we fought for independence and got it in 1964. We won the freedom to have our own laws and live the way we want to. Fair enough it is a human rights issue, but according to these "developed"countries, human rights also forbid parents to discipline their child using the "rod", and look how their kids turned out..tsk tsk tsk
If we ignored that human rights issue, rest assured, we're probably going to ignore this one too.
Until these people came out, Malawi (in my mind) was a pure and innocent country, with a culture so reserved and conservative that girls were not allowed to wear short skirts up until recently. Sure, there are gay people in the country, (some of them rich, married men, no names mentioned) but they have managed to stay in the closet for years, and I think if they want to come out, they should do so in a country that allows them to. If UK wants these people to be free to be gay, then they should be given free UK citizenship so they can be gay in the UK, not Malawi...:O
Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against gay people, I just want these people to respect Malawi as a country.
Why I Sometimes Hate Black People
As a black person I have to say, sometimes my people just get on my last damn nerves.
For some reason, we hate it when white people say we're loud and ignorant, and yet, we behave in manners that display this ignorance...and we're very loud about our ignorance.
When I was flying to Nairobi from Dubai the flight was slightly delayed and while the white people sat quietly and accepted that the flight was going to get there in due time, the black people made so much noise, as if the noise would get the aircraft there faster.
As for the ignorance, why is it that for black people, hustling is now the ïn thing". Its no longer cool or admirable to get an educcation and get a job or start a business in a legal and proper way. Nowadays, all black men have to have a side hustle to be admired by other black men. Its all about avoiding the popo and earning that extra buck in a way that you can't explain to your parents without sweating.
Why is it that when black people start a discussion or trending topic on twitter it's always a foolish one. If you're a twitter you'll know what i'm talking about. I can almost assure you the trending topics about the war in Iraq or anything on CNN are not started by black people. If you see a trending topic like #threewordsaftersex or #urehittingitwrong or #fabsteeth or anything along those useless lines, you can be sure there's a black person behind it. Why must we always display our foolishness?
Why is it always the black people that have a problem with inter racial dating. Any black girl that's been with a white guy will tell you that when they're walking in town together, it's always the black people that give them the "side eye"or the dirty looks.
Why are black women so bitchy? Yes, I realise I am also a black woman but still....
I want my brother to marry a white woman, coz they are soo much nicer...lol
Have a nice day my niggaz...lol
Que Sera Sera
Que Sera Sera: Whatever will be will be.
Whenever you're stressed out and thinking about "what ifs" and getting scared thinking about the future, think of this: Whatever will be will be.
There's some things that are just meant to happen. And I honestly and trully believe that whatever,s meant to happen will happen. Sometime's its unavoidable. For you to become the person you're meant to become, there are some things that have to happen. The only problem is, God didn't give us a list of these things, so when they're happening, we panic and get heart attacks and worry about it, when actually, they have to happen so we can take a step closer to the ultimate goal.
Whatever's meant to happen will happen. Don't worry about things that are beyond your control.
Bridal Showers and Marriage Education..
My sister had her bridal shower last weekend and as much as I missed it, I have been given the highlights. A bridal shower, for those that don't know, is basically just for the aunt's and mother of the bride to sit down and tell the bride what to do and what not to do in marriage. I believe it's supposed to help her become a good wife. I don't know about you but I don't think I'm gonna need one of those because I have learnt alot about marriage by watchin other people's marriages, including my parents, and listening to stories about what other people's husbands and wives have been doing.
Here is a list of my marriage advice ( from a girl tha's not even in a relationship..lol)
1. Be honest with each other. Even about the little things, coz its always the little things that starts the biggest fights
2. Don't beat each other up..lol.. if your man or woman is beating you up before you get married, dont'walk down the aisle, you'd rather cancel an expensive wedding than live with a re-occuring black eye..lol
3. If your husband or wife cheats on you, and you feel that you cannot completely forgive AND forget, leave. Because if you stay there with the anger, you'll make the marriage uncomfortable.
4. Don't bring up old mistakes in new arguments. If he/she did something last week and you already argued about it, don't bring it up in this weeks' argument.
5. Take a shower twice a day, nobody wants to sleep next to stinky steve.
6. Ladies, that head scarf MUST be washed. It starts to smell of hair grease and sweat.
7. Guys, don't put your boys first. If you put em first, you better sleep with them too..lol
8. LISTEN!
9. If you're wrong, admit it and apologize. You have no idea how many fights can be avoided if one person just admits they're wrong.
10. Work together. If you know you and your significant other are saving up to buy a house or pay the kid's school fees, don't go shoe shopping or PSP shopping and then hide the goods from your partner. Alot of couples fight about money, be transparent with it.
Most Importantly: Marry for Love, not money, not convenience, not tradition, not desperation, not sex, and not just because she's pregnant, children don't keep a marriage together, Love does.
I'm pretty good for a single gal right?..lol
Where do We go wrong?
After being in Kenya for a month and Malawi for a month, I feel that I can give quite a good report on why it,s taking Malawi quite a while to develop. I'll try and do this without touching the subject of how much money the country has.
First of all, Malawians are the most laid-back people you will ever meet in your entire life. Nobody is ever in a hurry to do anything. On the roads in town, everyone drives at 50km/hr which by the way is really slow if you have places to go. Even if you go to customer care center for which ever company, the people there can't be bothered to hurry up and attend to the customers. As much as it's nice that everyone's calm and all, this won't help the country move faster. We need a bit of aggressiveness and a "go- getter" attitiude.
Secondly, there's a lack of imagination. Even in the smallest things, there is much that could be done to improve services in the country. I went to Steers for lunch and what they do there is; after you order, they'll write your order number on the receipt and you take a seat and then when your food is ready, the waitress will walk around calling out the order number until she finds the person who ordered. Why exactly can they not just come up with those table stands that have numbers written on them, so the person will their order number standing there for the waitress to see? Small things like this will improve services in that country.
Thirdly, malawians are too familiar with each other. Although this is one of the fatcors that make the country so warm and friendly, its also bad for business. The last time a malawian opened a club, it was big hit, everyone loved it, but...it had to shut down shortly after opening..why? because everyone that knew the owner used to walk in for free and get free drinks. If you're malawian you know that it's a very small country. And you won't know just how popular you are until you're in business then everyone knows you and everyone feels like you owe them free services.
Fourthly: Malawians are to scared of risk. There is a general negativity that a person receives from friends and family when they decide to go into private business. When my father decided to retire and do his own thing, almost everyone he knows said "what if it fails?, you'd rather stay in employment". As a result of this attitude, most private businesses in malawi are owned by Indians and nowadays, Nigerians.
Malawians need to wake up before we lose our country to foreigners. Why should they come in and make money on our land as if we have no brains and no education? Be aggressive, being in employment is not even a plan.
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