League

"She's out of my league" 

I've always wondered, what is a league? And what in God's name determines which league you're in?

I googled the word "league" and I got this: 

1. A division of persons or things by quality, rank, or grade: bracket, class, grade, order, rank¹, tier.

Is it a looks thing? Coz if that's the case I totally have a league... I will not date a man that is hotter than me. Yes, I am that vain. If, lets say I am a 6/10, the man I date has to be a 6 or a 5..if you're a 4, you probably don't have a shot..no offense...

Is it an education thing? Coz if it is, then boy...that narrows down the number of men a girl can date innit? If its an education thing, then it means the more educated a woman is, the higher she goes in the ranks. Putting it in army terms:

A high school certificate = A Sergeant

A college/ diploma certificate =  A warrant Officer

A university degree = A Lieutentant

A masters degree =  A Captain

A PhD = A Major

I myself am a Captain, and I think I date a Sergeant...I think..

Is it a background thing? Coz if it is then alot of us are in the wrong leagues. Our background usually refers to how you grew up. Which school you went to. Its basically all about your parents money. And judging someone by their parents money is well..daft. There's people with rich parents that go no further than becoming a Sergeant. Yet there's people with not so rich parents that go on to become Majors.

I don't know about you but I think putting people in leagues is kinda shallow.

PhD in Him...I can Relate

A Pretty Girl's Blog: W.F.Y (We Fuck You)

A Pretty Girl's Blog: W.F.Y (We Fuck You)

The Break Up

**Warning: This Blog is Personal**...:p Some of you may know that I just got out of a relationship...by "just" I mean, about a month ago. I have spent some time trying to figure out why this particular relationship failed, because, well..he's generally a good guy. One way I deal with things, is by writing about them. So I decided to write about the break-up..why it happened. This isn't an artistic piece, I just needed to get it out my system.
Reasons for the break up:
1. We are too different...in some cases, differences are supposed to make the relationship interesting, but in this case, they just caused a clash

2. I wasn't ready for the relationship. I realize it now, after its over...but to be honest, I was not ready for it

3.We were moving at a different pace..i.e, he was moving faster than I was. I wanted something a lot more casual...

4. I did what 2 of my girls call a "Tina". I freaked out. I remember about 3 months in, I started feeling trapped. The thought of commitment scared me. And maybe that feeling never went away.

5. I was never comfortable meeting the family. I don't have a problem meeting cousins and siblings...but even I am not comfortable meeting the aunts and older married cousins and the more serious people that early in the relationship.

6. I'm outgoing and he's not. Some say you're supposed to compromise, sometimes stay in, sometimes go out, but I never felt like going "out" with him because well, its not his type of thing so he wasn't hyped up for it

7.I never felt like I fitted in with his friends. I don't know why, but I just never felt free to be myself with them.

8. I am a fucked up person. If you didn't know this. Now you do.

THE ULTIMATUM

In order for you to understand this blog post, I need to give you a bit of a background on the people involved.

Nicole is a young girl in her mid 20’s, single and attractive.
David is also young, about the same age.

Nicole and David met through a friend and they immediately hit it off, started talking every day, chatting on facebook chat, flirting etc. It took a while for David to ask Nicole for her number, because, apparently, he’s a shy guy. So when he finally did, she was all smiles. After this, they started talking on the phone, and chatting on facebook chat, and inboxing each other all day (don’t ask me what on earth they were talking about). Before long, they started meeting up, hanging out...and obviously, they slept together. Now all this while, they had not committed to each other, although David would once in a while drop a hint that he wants to be with her and nobody else.

At some point, David found a better job in another town and he had to relocate. But he promised to come back and visit Nicole every weekend. I remember Nicole actually wanted to get a job in the town that David moved to just so she could be close to him. All was going so well with them.

One Friday, David just randomly showed up at Nicole’s office, he says he wanted to surprise her. She was obviously very happy and they agreed to meet up later and so on. I’m not sure if they met up that weekend or not but it’s not important.

Come Monday morning, Nicole is in her office chatting to her friends when she hears something rather interesting. It appears David has a long-term girlfriend, let’s call her...Karla. Nicole’s friend fills her in on the details that David and Karla have been together for years, on and off. Karla has a heart problem and people think she uses that to keep David by her side.

Obviously this news disturbs Nicole. She tries to get hold of David, but he does not answer her calls. She sends him a facebook message asking him about Karla and he doesn’t reply. After about 2 weeks, David shows up. He calls Nicole and starts apologising, saying he really does care about her but it’s a difficult situation etc. Nicole gives him a piece of her mind and they end up arguing.

For a while, Nicole and David are not on speaking terms. Then slowly but surely, David starts worming his way back into Nicole’s life. She softens and starts chatting with him again, just as friends. But soon enough, David starts flirting with Nicole again; you know...the sweet texts, the early morning phone calls just to say hey, the late night texts and so on. Nicole accepts him back, not sure what he wants, but willing to find out because she still likes him.

One weekend, David is back in Nicole’s town and they run into each other at a bar. They start talking and obviously, end up making out in the back of her car. They agree to go their separate ways and meet up again later in the night and David’s place, which they do. This time, Nicole goes to David’s house and because his friends are home, he gets into her car and they drive off somewhere. Things get heated up again, but this time, to get the upper hand, Nicole decides to leave David hanging...with blue balls so to speak. He protests and all but at the end of the night, she feels like a winner.

Next day, David starts texting Nicole again, like he’s forgiven and forgotten the blue balls he slept with the night before.

Now... the dilemma Nicole is in: David is still dating Karla and shows no signs of leaving. He simple says, it’s a complicated situation. Nicole says he’s a genuinely good guy and she thinks he really cares about her. My advice to Nicole was to just tell him that until he sorts out his issues and is 100% singe, they should just be friends. She’s thinking about giving David an ultimatum: Her or Me...Because she thinks there is a chance he might actually leave Karla for her.

What should Nicole do?

REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS/FLINGS

The other day I had a light-bulb moment. You know those moments when you somehow see things clearly or find a solution to your deep-rooted problems. I’m gonna share this light-bulb thing with you; I hope you’ll understand it...

See, here’s the thing about rebound relationships: When you get out of a relationship, especially if you’ve been dumped, you feel...vulnerable, lonely...abandoned. Coz you know , for a while, you had someone there, someone to talk to, someone to call you and text you, someone to keep you company and so on then suddenly, that person is gone. So most people, I included, tend to get into some sort of rebound fling to fill the void. The way I see rebound flings is like this: You’re vulnerable so you’re pretty much looking for someone to lean on, in a way. Now, the person you choose to rebound with/ lean on is crucial because, get this, if he/she is not stable, you can’t lean on him/her because he/she will let you down.

You can’t rebound with someone that has more issues than a magazine.

You can’t rebound with someone that is emotionally unstable

You can’t rebound with someone that has unresolved issues with his ex

You can’t rebound with someone that is also on the rebound.

And oh goodness, you can’t rebound with someone that is exactly like your ex.

If the person you’re rebounding with has issues, is unstable, on the rebound and has issues with his ex, he/she will not fill the void; in fact, they will probably just make the void bigger. If this person is dealing with their own issues, they’re unstable, unreliable. It’s like leaning heavy on a pile of sand. All they have to do is move a metre, change their behaviour and you fall. You end up right back where you started: lonely, abandoned and vulnerable. Only this time, you’ve got a much bigger void to fill coz you’re not just dealing with a failed relationship; you’re now also dealing with a failed fling, and trust me, that is a heavier load to carry.

So as much as rebound flings are fun, be wise in choosing who you rebound with.

SUGAR DADDIES...OR SPONSORS

Almost every guy I know has at some point said if he was a girl, he’s have a sugar daddy. For those that don’t know, a sugar daddy is, by my definition, a significantly older man who is in a young lady’s life for the simple reason of financing her indulgences. In other words, he’s the dude that pays for everything you want but can’t afford. He’s like your daddy except..you have to give him some sugar..lol.. Deep down I’ve always admired girls that have sugar daddies. Coz most of the time, the man is not good looking (usually old, in his 50’s, beer belly, balding head, yellowish teeth) and I admire the fact that they can flirt or kiss this man without losing their appetite. (I bow down to you all) I, sadly, do not have the stomach for such erm..activities?

In the last few years sugar daddies have become so popular that nobody frowns on them anymore, in fact most girls are so proud to have sugar daddies, that they flaunt their “daddy given gifts” around town. Have girls become so materialistic that morals have no value anymore? What exactly has driven girls down this road? Some might say social standing is a factor, coz you know, no girl wants to be seen wearing the same dress to the same club twice, and we all want to dress like Beyonce when we’ve got an income which resembles that of...Sisqo (I hear he’s broke now). There’s also laziness, we all want to be married to rich men and just sit there looking pretty all day every day, not getting our nails dirty.

The way I see it, I would get a sugar daddy, if I didn’t have to flirt or kiss him. So he’d be more like..a sponsor. The perfect arrangement for me would me: I’d meet him once a week (not even for lunch coz I’d have nothing to say to a 50 year old man), I’d give him my shopping list, he’d give me the money and go away. Of course, I’m not an idiot so I know that unless I find a moron of a man, this arrangement will never happen. Unless one of ya’ll knows an old moron, hook a sista up quick..lol Until that happens, I’ll just hustle, live within my means and dress like the girl next door that I am...:)

INDEPENDENCE Vs HOUSEWIFERY

I’ve been thinking a lot about the pros and cons of being an independent woman versus those of being a housewife. In this day and age, girls are encouraged to be independent, have their own money, and not depend on men to provide for them. At the same time, we’re supposed to somehow also be the perfect wives. You know, the typical African definition of the perfect wife: One that wakes up at 5am to clean the house, hand-washes all the clothes coz you know, buying a washing machine is just laziness. One that makes sure there’s food on the table at 7pm sharp coz her husband is hungry after a long days work.

I’m starting to think that all these expectations are just really unfair and hard to live up to. If a woman’s not depending on a man for money, it means she’s got a business or a job going on...and she’s got to work hard to make that successful and at the same time be super-mum and exceptional wife. Seeing as it’s hard to find this balance, most women tend to go one way or the other. If they decide to be independent, they usually have a maid that cooks, washes and cleans and at some point she risks an affair between this maid and her husband, coz the maid takes her place in the home.

If they decide to be housewives, they find themselves at the mercy of their husbands for everything. If they wanna get their hair done, they have to ask for money. Nothing is left in their control...except the house. Of course the pro’s of this option is that they are in full control of the house, they own their marriage and family. And somehow, their husbands depend on them for simple things like picking a shirt to wear..so I guess they have some control. Is it possible though to find that perfect balance? Where a woman has her own income, goes out and makes her dreams come true, and at the same time, still maintains the boss position at home?

Do you Believe?

Do ya'll believe in Palmistry?

I once had my palm read, by a Chinese friend in College. People said his readings were always accurate, so out of curiosity, I decided he should read my palm. I've never been able to forget what he said to me, even though I'm not sure I believe in it. This is what he said:

"You will have 3 sons, You have 2 husband lines so you'll have to be careful about marriage. If you get married early in life, you will leave that man and marry the one you are supposed to be with. If you wait until you're about 28 years old, you will end up with the one you're supposed to be with, without having to marry and leave the first one. Good things will always happen to you because your family are good people"

Yes, I said I have never been able to forget. Funny thing is, he's not the only one to tell me I have 2 husband lines, another Chinese guy just took a quick glance at my hand one random day and "ooh, 2 husbands" Now I'm not really a superstitious person, I walk under ladders, I'm not spooked by Friday the 13th and I don't get scared when a black cat crosses my path. But this just seemed a little too detailed for me so now I find myself constantly wondering..do these things ever come true?

The other day I put up a quote on my Facebook status " A man can meet his destiny on the road he took to avoid it". I just heard it in a movie and thought it sounded cool..lol But then I started thinking, if this palm reading is true, what if I take a road to avoid it, will it still happen? What if I meet a great guy and marry him this year, will I still leave him, as great as he is? Some people say such things only come true if you believe in them, but what if its actually a destiny thing? Can your destiny be changed simply because you don't believe in it?

Are We Going To Sell Out?

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard about the issue of homosexuality in Malawi. I can no longer maintain my silence, I must put in my 2 cents.

My sister called me last night, throwing a fit because she heard on BBC news that Malawi is about to legalize homosexuality because the British Government has threatened to isolate the country if the Govt. does not give in to their demands.

I certainly hope she was wrong; because the truth is, Malawians will generally never accept homosexuality, maybe in the next 50 years, when we have a new generation of youngsters in power. If the world wants us to legalize it and accept it, they're going about it the wrong way. Bullying the government won't change the opinions of the people.
Even if the President decides to sell out and accept the terms and conditions that come with this "donor money", he'll only be doing so just to help the economy of the country. What's going to happen is, we'll accept the money, spend it and the society will still shun those who come out of the gay closet.

I seriously think the British Govt and all these NGO's need to respect the laws, culture and traditions of Malawi. This is one of reasons we fought for independence and got it in 1964. We won the freedom to have our own laws and live the way we want to. Fair enough it is a human rights issue, but according to these "developed"countries, human rights also forbid parents to discipline their child using the "rod", and look how their kids turned out..tsk tsk tsk
If we ignored that human rights issue, rest assured, we're probably going to ignore this one too.
Until these people came out, Malawi (in my mind) was a pure and innocent country, with a culture so reserved and conservative that girls were not allowed to wear short skirts up until recently. Sure, there are gay people in the country, (some of them rich, married men, no names mentioned) but they have managed to stay in the closet for years, and I think if they want to come out, they should do so in a country that allows them to. If UK wants these people to be free to be gay, then they should be given free UK citizenship so they can be gay in the UK, not Malawi...:O

Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against gay people, I just want these people to respect Malawi as a country.